I don't really have any major complaints at the moment. I guess more money wouldn't go amiss, but it isn't like I have anything to buy for a while. I suppose it makes for an uninteresting entry, but I will ramble on a little bit anyway.

My final chemistry exams are only days away now. They are arguably the easiest A2 papers out of the set, so I am not panicking much. I mean, I have a lot of work to do before then, but I just need to learn content now because it's inorganic. I love organic chemistry, but it is really hard work having to understand something in so much depth. Biochemistry was looking to be a pain, but reading through it, I don't think it will be much of a hassle.

I can almost smell freedom now. I enjoyed a bit of a break between last summer exams to like September, but it didn't feel like it. That trip to Florida was brilliant, but quite tiring as well. I plan to make up for lost time this summer. I have a stack of games to finish, a couple of books to play, some tennis matches to win and perhaps even a concert or two to attend. Not bad eh?

I will retire from the internet though I think. I mean it's been a good time waster this year, but it isn't interesting enough bar 10 minutes on Facebook every other day. Message boards don't interest me anymore either.

My trusty Epiphone Les Paul Standard will finally get played properly this summer as well. I plan to get the basics down this summer and learn a few of my favourite tracks. After all if I am going to justify that Gibson Les Paul BFG and whatever tube amp I choose, I need to at least be competent! Perhaps if I get good enough this summer next year I can start looking for a band to jam with. Nothing serious of course! (fingers crossed though eh ;) ?)

My freedom starts this Thursday afternoon and I can't wait. First I have 40-odd hours left of revision though!

Ciao!

So I started playing the guitar in January. How is that coming along? Well in the the 2 months that I have owned it...I have learnt the following:

-Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Partially learnt:

-Opening of:

>"A Little Pain" Olivia
>"Drivers High" L'Arc~en~Ciel
>"Daybreaks Bell" L'Arc~en~Ciel
>Halo themetune
>"In the End" Linkin Park
>"No More Sorrow" Linkin Park
>"Summer of Love" Eric Clapton
>"Sweet Child O Mine" Guns N' Roses

Considering that the opening of each song is a short sequence of 20 notes tops, that's pretty pathetic. I think I am going about the whole process the wrong way though. After getting over the notion of becoming a world class guitarist and only trying to learn songs I like to impress others, I should go back to the basics and learn the guitar from the start. I mean really basic stuff. I think it's only right, and it would put me in a good position when it comes down to learning these songs again properly. What do you think?

Perhaps it would be best to first pass my summer exams eh? ;)

Maybe then, and only then...I can entertain the thoughts of becoming a guitarist, moving to Tokyo to join Olivia's band and jamming with Hyde, Ken, Tetsu and co in L'Arc  ;)

I would have thought that I have learnt from my past mistakes. Yet I don't think I have. Consider my ramblings here as a self-motivational talk by the way.

I have exams in exactly 2 months. Hard exams which will make or break me. I will either go to Kings College and live a life worth living full of reward and achievement. Or I will fail and will have wasted a whole goddamn year of my life. Why do I procrastinate? Do I not want to achieve in life? Of course I do, but why is it so hard to get the idea of hard work into my thick head? I worked hard for my January exams, but that was a mixture of luck and last minute cramming. What if I put that kind of time in earlier? I would have done so much better and would have less to worry about. I cannot afford to fail this time, too many people are counting on me. My parents especially. They have been financially strained getting me through this year, paying for tuition etc. They ask for nothing but my commitment. Is it hard to comprehend? It isn't, so why, why, why the hell am I not working?

/OFF


P.S.  I think I am having withdrawal symptoms. It's hard to live without forums. But I shall prevail!

I have realised why I have this huge urge to use the internet, and more specifically message boards. It's the joy of writing combined with the need for constant feedback. I write my thoughts and comments on a forum and wait for a reply. It does seem quite sad doesn't it? Therefore I think I should only stick to LJ. I just really need to post what I am feeling, so why not just write it up here? At least I can keep track of things a lot better eh?

Well here is why I rushed to write this:

-I think that when you are pressurized and stressed, the best thing to do is make a plan. Nothing to intricate, but something which will cover all the bases. For example, just how I was worried about fitting in everything before this summer. How will I get so much work done in a short period of time? How will I achieve my desired waist size? Simple. I made a very basic plan in which I dedicate a few hours of my time to each task, and manage to fit everything in my day. It's like a security thing I think. My plan is realistic and achievable as well as being necessary. It's perfect I think. I put in 10 hours worth of work, which is split up into short periods focusing on a specific topic, an hour of exercise, a basic dietary thing and 2 hours to do whatever I want. As long as it is constructive, like play guitar. Forums I think are a complete waste of time, full of attention seeking bastards wasting hours of their time on the internet instead of living.

One forum in particular that I frequented had members obsessed with getting a high post count. They would make threads about their "achievements" and congratulate each other like morons. What does it show though? That they have no time? That their lives are so meaningless that post milestones act as highlights? I don't understand this logic, especially as most of them post absolute bullshit as well. Needless to say I will not be going back to that forum, despite being a member for over a year now. What is the point?

I think the internet serves no purpose but to waste time. Sure occasionally it may be used to find information or download music and the like...but on the whole it is inhabited by people like me who could procrastinate on a professional level, and those with nothing better to do in life. It's like, why am I spending so much time on the internet when I have so much work to do? By the way, this journal doesn't count. I post once every few weeks and it only takes like 10 minutes to post my thoughts.

That's for now anyway, I have a lot of work to do.

So I tried to go to sleep about 20 minutes ago. I turned my laptop off and went to bed. So why am I here? Because my iPod for some reason has a dead battery. The nerve of it! Also, thanks to Apple being too cheap to put an AC adapter in the box and me losing both my USB and Firewire adapters, I have to sit here and wait for my iPod to have a sufficient enough charge on it so I can go to sleep. Sleep without my iPod you say? No. I have grown accustomed to Ms Utada serenading me to sleep, I would like to keep it that way thank you very much!

Anyway, enough about that. So my day today was pretty interesting. Well not the morning, I just went to work with my uncle who has a spot of back pain and needed a hand. In the evening though, I went for a meal with my parents, their treat. I love this particular restaurant we always go to because it seems to keep everyone happy. Especially me. You see, steak, or cow should not be consumed by people of my religious and cultural background. However, I can't turn down a well done ribeye with peppercorn sauce. Never. Never ever. If I go to hell because of it, then I will burn happily, knowing that the mouth watering roasted cow did not die in vain. Well anyway, at the table we were discussing my brothers academic situation when my dad mentioned that he thinks that my English is well above average (can't you tell from this rambling mess of shit I call my blog?) and that I should have thought about a career in journalism. I have to admit, I like the idea of writing for a living, and I had looked it up before. However, it simply wasn't lucrative enough for me to consider it. I want to strike a balance between enjoyment and a fat paycheck at the end of the month. I just don't think I will be good enough at voicing my opinions to earn a decent wage which will support me (in other words, anything close to a six figure salary please!). If I don't get into University this year then I might just think about it again though. If I can't do medicine, then there is no way in hell that I will just sit on my arse playing about with chemicals in a lab. Forget it. It's boring.

Anyway, I must go, I think my iPod is charged enough to see me through the next 20 minutes or so. Also I need my sleep if I have to walk all the way to work...damn not having the car when I need it.

Cheerio.

How long will we settle for the mediocre? How long will we procrastonate and let our dreams pass right by us? How long will it take before we realise that everytime we put something off, we are getting further and further away from our dreams? How long will we seek the approval of others, and accept less because we don't want to rock the boat? How long will it take before an individual can find what they seek and live the life they deserve? What pushes an individual over the edge, where their creativity and uniqueness grows and flourishes? Is it a great pain or loss? Or just an internal feeling of helplessness and worthlessness? Is there some imaginary line that we must be pushed to? Is it our own self determination or sheer will that forces us over that line despite being content? What is contentness anyway? Being happy with your situation, or rather accepting your position and just getting on, taking one day to the next? Or is it a content feeling that you have tried and failed, but succeeded in forcing yourself to push the boundaries of our existence? Maybe it is a bit of all that plus the feeling you get when you achieve something worth having. Then again, it won't explain why the hell we get so damn happy with something good happens. Why we jump for joy when we achieve that one thing we have been looking to attain for so long. So perhaps contentness is realising that you have gotten somewhere, tried, but failed and you accept that this is the best it will ever get? Therefore, shouldn't contentness be something we do not want, an evil of this world which should be avoided or ignored. If we begin to feel content, shouldn't it mean that it's time to move on, move up and get ahead? Everyone in this world was born with the ability to dream, what the hell, we are dreamers by nature. There is always something to hope for, something to gain, something to achieve, someone to love. There is so much, and so much time to achieve things in, yet social restrictions mean that we are kept in a little corner, having bits of success now and then, but ultimately just existing before we fade into oblivion. That's not the kind of life I want to leave, that's why from now on I refuse to stay still and accept contentness, every chord I learn and practice, every situp I do, every mile I run, every page that I learn, all of it works towards a dream. I believe that when we have given it our all, it is possible to achieve the impossible and live a life worth living and remembering. Cheesy? Is it? Think about it. How many times have you wanted something, but you didn't put that little bit more effort in, and you ended up failing? Or if you aim for something easy, don't work and achieve it. Do you honestly feel happy with that? Do you wish you worked that much harder, or aimed that much higher? Is there even any point in meeting aims? They will ultimately be matched or exceeded, or we will even fail to meet them at all. Therefore an aim is just a guideline, not a law to follow. You should strive to get somewhere, but actually not have anywhere specific to end up. It's like aiming for the moon as a guideline, but shooting right past it without a second thought and ending up on Mars. Or Pluto? Or beyond? Why not eh? Who is to say what our limits are? We are limited because we have given ourselves those limits. Look back at history, legends exist because people have not let their "limits" (from now on in bunny ears to emphasize their ridiculous nature) get in their way.

That's how I think we should live our lives, knowing your role on this planet belongs in the stone age. That's it all.

I am still quite excited and hyped up. Why? I just got back from the o2 arena. What's so great about it? I WENT TO SEE LINKIN PARK!!!

Forgive my enthusiasm, you must know that I have been a huge fan ever since I first heard One Step Closer back in 2001. It's only now that they happen to finally come to the UK, when I am old enough to go without parent's bugging me about travelling etc.

Anyway, it was a great show, I went with a few of my cousins who are also die hard fans. Some band opened the show, and they were quite good...though even now I can't remember their names or anything. Like me, everyone else was just hyped up about seeing Linkin Park, anything else was insignificant. In between songs a few people shouted out "Get Linkin Park out!!!"

When they finally came on, it was a prolongued introduction, and the crowd went wild as the curtain dropped and they opened with a brilliant performance of No More Sorrow. One of my favourite songs from the new album right of the bat, not bad at all! As the song came to a close, already they were playing a new intro to a brilliant old song which is often overlooked- Don't Stay. Another superb performance, and I was extremely pleased that they were throwing out old stuff as well, not just focusing on the Minutes to Midnight album.

Tracklist (In no particular order):

-Numb
-Papercut
-Faint (:-))
-Breaking the Habit
-Crawling (Reanimation ver.)
-Effectively the whole new album, ending of course, with What I've Done.

The encore was brilliant, they opened it with One Step Closer (The WHOLE crowd went nuts), followed by In the End (Also strong reaction, practically everyone sung it) and ended with Somewhere I Belong.

The o2 security seemed to be in full force, quite a few kids were thrown out for throwing stuff back at the band (who would throw out full water bottles and even the union jack they had on stage). The standing area was huge, so it was nice to see around 3 pits going on at once. At one point, Chester goes "We love the UK so much, we are filming our new video here. It's a live video, so I want all you crazy motherfuckers moshing it out in a pit!" Of course from then on, not even security could keep the pits down for that long.

It was a brilliant performance, they sound great live. Some of their new tracks which I am not too sure about even sounded really good.

Regardless of what people think of them, it's hard to deny that they have come along way, and they are getting even stronger as time goes on. I just had to compare the Live in Texas performance to tonight.

Early last year, around April time, my dad decided he wanted another dog. Under the guise of buying it for me and my brothers, he convinced my mum and gran that it would be OK this time. What happened last time? Well we got a dog, and everything was fine until my dads work schedule became quite hectic and he pretty much worked from 7am till 7pm. Then the dog got rowdy, got on everyones nerves, the neighbours complained about the noise. So, my dad did the kind thing by giving it to a family friend who lives in the country. At present he is happy with other dogs company and open fields to play in.

That was over 5 years ago.

I had my reservations. Disillusioned, I knew that a dog wasn't the ideal pet for someone who can't put in loads of time and energy, and definitely not if the family does not even want it in the first place. My dad being the dog lover figured it would all work out so he went behind everyone to arrange to meet with a breeder for a dobermann puppy. By the time we were told, the deposit had been paid and we were set to go visit the litter the following weekend. It's pretty damn hard to turn down a puppy because they can be so damn cute. However, even after holding the tiny dog in my arms, I still had no desire to own it.

Later that month it was time to bring the dog home. On the way to pick it up, I remember my dad saying to me "I don't think I should have gone through with this" so for the upteenth time I voiced my concerns. To no avail. We got the pup home and went through the usual thing, housebreaking it, waking up at the crack of dawn to take it out for a wee and making sure it got all the right vaccinations at the right time. My dad was at home for a fortnight to help it settle in, and we made huge changes in the house.

Fast forward to today, and I am literally so fustrated that I am getting headaches. All the dog does it bark, jump up and generally run about like a hyperactive spaz. Because of my gap year, it is my job to look after it while my dad is away. Well excuse me, I didn't take this year off to dogsit! The house smells, he barks loudly at anyone who comes through the door. It's got to the point where I don't even want my friends coming over because of the sheer embarssment of not being able to control this bastard of a dog, who I have deduced must be the spawn of Lucifer in animal form. I refuse point blank to hit the idiot, damn the caring nature inside of me. Give me a gun, I might be tempted to look the other way and pull the trigger though (I joke!).

He has his good moments, but when you really just don't need it, he plays up. Today for example was the worst that he has ever behaved. It was just me and my gran home and he wouldn't settle down. He jumped at me, barked if I came near him, nipped if I tried to take him out by his collar (he decided a few weeks ago that he will not listen to me, and would rather piss on the carpet then have me tell him to go outside. Then if I tell my dad about his behaviour, he gets pissed off and sulks for the whole evening like a little kid.

I am at the end of my leash, and dorm life at University next year has never looked more welcoming!

(I know spelling isn't brilliant, wrote to vent only..)

[Published on the 27th despite being written on the 12th]

When you are really busy, or something is going on in your life, do you find that you wish you had free time to do other things? Then when you get the free time, you never accomplish what you had in mind? It has happened to me so many times in the past year or so. Take now for example. As part of my new years resolutions, I chose to learn guitar and gain an understanding of Japanese language and culture. Today was the first free day I had just at home in a very long time. Up till now, I had been up to my ears in revision for my Chemistry exams. Now that they are over, what do I do? I "wind down" by ordering in junk food, and stuffing myself while watching Nana from start. Again.

To my credit though, I did take out my guitar for about 10 minutes, messed about with getting it into tune and learning how to play BBBB B(hold) B(hold) with different fingers. Yes pointless and somewhat dull.

With regards to the guitar though, I just can't motivate myself. Maybe because I am still undecided whether or not I want to pick up Acoustic or Electric. I have an acoustic which had been lying about at home for a while now, lacking attention. But if I do decide to get an electric, I want to get a good one (as is my nature...). Looking into it, I don't know if I want to play with a Fender Stratocaster or Gibson Les Paul. Then I think, "hang about, can I afford to spend so much on a guitar when I am not even sure if I will stick to it?"

Having been revising intently for my January exams (which are annoyingly putting my writing on hold), I find it really easy to stay focused on one thing. I can finally just steam forward with work, getting some hours of solid revision done before I need a break...but the downside is that when I don't have anything to do I get agitated and look for something to get done. Instead of learning the difference between Kanji, Hiragana and Katagana, or learning some new chords on guitar (like I should be doing), I browse whatever sites I have on my bookmark toolbar. Mindlessly, even though there is nothing new on the news, or I just checked my emails and facebook. Even now, I am meant to sleep because it's 1am and I need to be up early to drive to my tutors, but I was just looking for something interesting to do. I guess it's another reason why I began writing and opened an account on here. Something to do, report my musings...

I think I am a bit agitated about new years tomorrow as well. Usually I sit with my brothers and parents and watch a film or play Halo against my friend and his brothers to see in the New Years. This time, with most of my friends moving out for Uni, they want to go into the city and see the fireworks...Having not seen them in a while, I do want to go, but I would rather do my traditional thing then walk around London at 1am in the freezing cold!

*sigh* I think I will try sleeping while listening to music, it usually makes me drowzy. I just remembered that I have Ayumi Hamasaki's new album to listen to as well as the brilliant KISS by L'arc - en - ciel hmmm.